[blink blink] [blink blink] [rubs eyes] [blink] I’m sorry. Exsqueeze me? Bitch did you just chastise your own mother for having you? Your mother who puts you on reality shows and puts a roof over your butternut squash of a head and who keeps in you flop-hats and bad makeup? Did you just throw it in her face that she was a young parent? I’m sorry. That’s insane. I don’t know where you, dear readers, came up in the world, but I grew up on the mean streets of Boston (I grew up on the relatively nice streets of Brighton) and if I had said something like that to my mother when I was younger, heck if I said it now, the entire neighborhood would explode. My mother would become nuclear, in that instant, and we’d all be dead. I can’t imagine ever saying such a thing to my mother, mostly because my mom’s great and I love her, but also because you just do not say that shit to mom. You just don’t. Ashley should be beheaded. There, I’ve said what we’re all thinking.